So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
