FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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