don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
