grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
