Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
