I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
