Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
