Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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