I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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