STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think my moral compass just broke
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
