accomplished twins. life is a go
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
