I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
