dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
