so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
