i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
