HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My life is pants optional.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
