Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
