Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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