Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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