white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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