Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
