Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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