Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
