Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
