Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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