Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
