Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
