I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
