Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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