after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
