in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
