So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
