I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
