i just snorted my name. best moment ever
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
