Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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