I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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