you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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