Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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