Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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