i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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