But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
