im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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