one word: firstdatebathroomanal
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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