Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
