On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
