We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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