Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
