You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
