went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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