dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
