Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
