K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
