I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
