so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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