Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize