ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
