my vag is so smooth its legendary
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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