After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
