you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
