Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize