forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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