i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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