Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
