So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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