Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
