I think I am morally bankrupt
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize