he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
