so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
