Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
