whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
